(301): My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake
(774): I just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”…
(931): Instead of just putting it in he asked “will you do the honors?” It was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
(218): Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
(903): EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
(502): you would pick up someone in the library
(405): there really should be an “avoid ghetto” option on my GPS
(404): It’s a bathroom floor kind of morning.
(617): I would do horrible things to your vagina.
(978): Prove it.
(412): dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.